so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
