meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
