I'm jealous of your bromance
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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