I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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