all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
COCAINE IS GR8
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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