On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
