Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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