We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
