fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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