i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
