your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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