You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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