so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
