I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
