she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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