I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
