The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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