im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize