You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
