Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
