theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize