I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he puts the penis in happiness.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
