i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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