I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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