i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
