Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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