Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize