So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
