So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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