Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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