All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
