It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
