i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
