two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
