ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
