does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
