dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
