The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize