Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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