that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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