Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
