the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
