I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
