We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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