I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
