I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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