Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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