Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
