I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
