you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
