pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
