i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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