So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
