Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
