I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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