I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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