Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
