I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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