there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
