sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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