I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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