You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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