I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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