you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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