I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
