i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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