This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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