he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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