just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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