Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
