Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
