We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
