They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's never too late to be topless.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
