According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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