I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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