The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
