It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I looked at my own cervix.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I need a burrito and a hug.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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