I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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