Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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