Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
