First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
