I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
