i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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