I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
