were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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