smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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