Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
