Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
as a side note pls kill me
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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