I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
