hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
