Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
