So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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