I murdered the dance floor call the cops
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
