Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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