My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
