Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Blood and glitter go together right?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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