And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
