this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
