Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
