Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
