The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
