My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
