he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
