Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
