Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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