If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
