my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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