just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
