my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
