lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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