Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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