Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
