This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she told me i tasted like america
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
