Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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