Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't deserve a penis
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
