Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
