i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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