I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
