i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
