I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
