She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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